Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize