I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
