My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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