After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
