so explain again why im purple
no
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
