I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
