we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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