just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize