is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
