Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
