If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
