It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
