How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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