Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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