I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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