yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
