Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
