a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
