He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
