he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
