You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
