do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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