How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
