im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
