Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
