1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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