I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
