youre lurking in front of me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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