if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
