Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
