remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
