question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
