He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
