So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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