so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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