Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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