I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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