They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize