My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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