I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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