Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
