I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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