I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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