she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
