his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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