Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Couch. On fire.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
