I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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