Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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