Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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