put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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