Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
