A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
