Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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