god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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