My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
