he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
