yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
