did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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