i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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