I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
