im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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