I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
