mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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