One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
