you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
