And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
