i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
