Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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