i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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